


Shine

by parka_girl



Category: B.A.P, K-pop, MYNAME (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-04-04 00:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4119847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parka_girl/pseuds/parka_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jinseok has never been in love, but now he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shine

Jinseok's never been in love before. He knows this because his heart never fluttered like butterflies and his stomach never felt like it was trying to turn itself inside out. He also knew, because whenever he looked at Junhong, he feels like he's on fire, that his blood's boiling and he's going to explode at any second.

When Junhong touches him, the first time, Jinseok thinks he's going to find burn marks along his arms, his neck, and his face. He doesn't, but when he touches Junhong in return, the pads of his fingers brushing against Junhong's skin, he knows it feels the same.

Junhong's kisses are like electricity, sending high volts of energy down Jinseok's spine, rendering him breathless at the best of times and incoherent at the worst. Only there are never worse times, just best and better. Jinseok's mouth is hot and wet on Junhong's, their bodies moving together to some invisible dance only they understand.

When they are not with each other, which happens far too often as their relationship is a secret, it is as though sparks fly between them whenever they look at each other. Jinseok can feel the blush creep up his cheeks, down his neck. Sometimes he feels so warm he wants to pull off his clothes, and Junhong's too.

Their relationship is not all fire and sparks. It is conversation. It is music and school. It's everything Jinseok wants in a relationship. Junhong is everything Jinseok wants in a relationship.

They make out in the back of empty cinemas, in the stacks of the university library, in the studio where Junhong practices dance after classes. Everything is perfect and wonderful and Jinseok is smart enough, they both are, to know that it will not last.

Not their relationship, that Jinseok knows. It is something more than a fling. He's not experimenting or pretending. He is in love. He is for-real-in-love as he likes to tell the few friends of theirs who know. He looks at Junhong and sees his best friend, his boyfriend, and his future all wrapped up in one, flawed yet perfect package.

But life soon gets in the way.

Jinseok accidentally outs himself to his parents. They know, of course, that Junhong is his best friend. They do not know that he is his boyfriend. They do not know their son likes-wants-loves boys. That he needs Junhong like he needs air and that Junhong needs him as much in return. They do not know until they do.

It is an accident. They've both had a bit too much to drink and there's a taxi waiting to take Junhong back to his flat. Jinseok had thought his parents were in bed, it was late after all, and that he and Junhong were safely out of view. He finds out later, after a blissful night dreaming of Junhong's mouth, that he wasn't.

He doesn't run away. He wants to, but he's not yet finished with university and Junhong's flatmates do not have room for another person. Instead he is sent away. No more university, which means no more deferring and that means he is enlisting before it has time to sink in.

He sees Junhong, just once, before he enlists. He has long since stopped speaking to his parents and while he is old enough to have moved out, he doesn't have the money. And his parents only let him stay once he agreed to enlist. He sneaks out, the night before he's to report for duty. Junhong's flatmates let him in. It's been weeks since he's seen Junhong, though they text constantly. His parents cannot control everything in his life.

He spends the night in bed with Junhong.

Their kisses burn with anger and heartbreak, with desire and longing. Every kiss is like goodbye and Jinseok cannot keep himself from crying. He feels like he's breaking and he knows, he can feel, that Junhong feels the same. The next morning they do not say goodbye. They say I love you for the first, and what Jinseok hopes is not the last, time. Jinseok does not hide his tears as he sits on the train with Junhong.

They stop, a few houses away from Jinseok's. They kiss again. It is goodbye. It is I love you. It is everything they cannot say. It is also a promise.

Jinseok's parents say nothing when he comes in. Instead he takes a shower so hot it leaves his skin pink. He enlists a few hours later. He does not think of anything expect following orders and the fact that on the other side of two years, Junhong will be waiting for him.

They write. Constantly. Jinseok gets more letters than anyone in his unit. No one asks why, no one cares.

Three months after Jinseok's been in the military, the letter he'd been expecting, but dreading, arrives. Junhong is enlisting. He receives another, a month later, they will be on opposite sides of the country. They keep writing. Three months turns into four, which turn into six which becomes a year. Jinseok does not talk to his parents.

A year becomes six months until discharge. And then, suddenly, he is done. He does not move back home. One of Junhong's flatmates asks him to move in with them, into Junhong's room. He finds a job. He waits. It is the longest three months of his life. He convinces himself five times to go to the ceremony, but talks himself out of it every time. Instead, he texts Junhong, telling him where he is. He will wait.

It's midnight when the door to the bedroom opens. Jinseok hasn't slept. He'd tried, to make time go faster, but it didn't work. He sits up and Junhong is there, a silhouette framed in the light from the hall. Jinseok reaches for the light on the nightstand, turning it on. Junhong's face looks wet and Jinseok thinks maybe his is, too.

Junhong steps into the room, his bag slips off his shoulder and onto the floor. They both, Jinseok thinks, look older, harder. Junhong's mouth is on his, they are kissing. Not everything has changed. Maybe nothing has changed. He says as much and Junhong shakes his head. His love has changed, he mumbles the words into Jinseok's mouth.

Jinseok pulls back, alarm evident on his face. Junhong's fingers brush the tears, the worry, away. No, he says, not that. My love for you, his voice is a whisper, is stronger than ever. I know now that you are for me. Every day, he says softly, I thought of you every day. Jinseok tells him, in as many words, that it was the same for him. Junhong says he knew and Jinseok realized that he, too, knew.

Junhong's kissing him now, they are like long lost lovers after a war. They are like a fairy tale. They cannot stay. They make a plan, they will leave. It will take a year to save up the money, though Junhong thinks maybe his parents might help. Jinseok does not think about his parents, it still hurts, two years later. It is still fresh, the wound they left.

Jinseok finds a school, in New York City. Junhong's flatmates know people in New York who can help them find a flat. They do. They both work for a year. They don't go out, they exist on the instant ramen and they save as much money as they can. A year passes, Jinseok is happier than he has ever been.

The night before their flight to New York, Jinseok calls his parents. It's only his mother who will talk to him. He tells her he's leaving, that they can pretend they no longer have a son. His mother cries, Jinseok is crying when Junhong comes out to find him. An hour later his mother shows up at the flat. She tells him his father will never accept it, but while she does not fully understand, she knows what love is. She gives him money, a suitcase full of things from his room and says she'll visit them, in New York.

The flight is late in the day. They spend most of the afternoon at the airport. They are both nervous and excited. Junhong has a job and a studio waiting for him, Jinseok has a spot at university and scholarships waiting for him and together they have a flat, a future and a place where they can walk down the street holding hands.


End file.
